so many thoughts are running through my mind right now.
i'm sick, yet troubled by these thoughts.

am i different, or is it that people around me change?
i feel kinda happy yet sad and disappointed right now.
don't ask me why.
i really don't know.

sometimes i just wish that i still live in the past,
and sometimes i wish time would stop at happy moments.
sometimes i wish that bad memories can be erased,
and sometimes i wish that happiness is forever.
but are these wishes really possible?
i think it's only my wishful thinking.

it's been a roller coaster ride these 2-3 months.
i have smiled, laughed, emo-ed and cried.
many ups and downs,
overcame them all eventually.
and i hope i would all the time.
i love all the ups,
like everyone does.
but the downs were really horrible,
sometimes i just feel like i should die.

am i alone in this cruel world?
or is there always someone there for me?
i truly hope it's the latter.

it's tough being in this world.
sometimes i just hoped that i don't even exist.
and i wonder why people say it's a blessing to be a human,
but sometimes i think it's just my luck.

i have been through so much things since young.
and it was both a mixture of joy and sadness.
throughout my primary school life, it pretty much suck apart from the few uber good buddies i made.
moving on to secondary school was probably the best time of my life,
especially in upper sec,
when i get to know great people like glenda,
and also joined the student council.
those were really great memories.
times in SRJC was pretty good too.
and i hope that life in Ngee Ann would prove to be better than the rest.

sadness is what i hoped to take off my mind most of the time.
but is it really possible?

sometimes i feel that i'm empty inside.
i look happy on the outside,
but in the inside i just feel like shit.
everything on the outside is just a mask.
people lie, and it's normal.
i'm used to it.
even when i was young,
my mum lied to me about getting me something etc.

i don't know what i'm driving at,
but in any case,
i think life just suck,
most of the time, at least.

MELVIN; 12:35 AM